In seven days the Age of Obamius begins. Already the cross-cultural currents have begun, ushering in a time of serenity, understanding and perfection. The Palestinian Authority is opening kosher restaurants. Russia's Vladimir Putin is taking lessons in country line dancing. North Korea is having an MGM film festival. And the city of Berkeley, California, is giving out the Hugo Chavez Peace Prize. Everyone is excited.
- Incoming White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel confirmed that President-elect Obama will "quickly empty Guantanamo of enemy combatants." Emanuel added that he personally will refill it with Republicans.
- The President-elect reprimanded CIA Director-designate Leon Panetta for lobbying the movie industry to have George Clooney play him in the film.
- Hillary Clinton will testify today at her secretary-of-state confirmation hearing. We can report that she angrily rejected offers to call her Your Excellency, and instead opted for the more modest, and democratic, Your Highness.
- Chris Matthews was so overcome with emotion at having an exclusive interview with Barack Obama that he spontaneously knelt down and kissed Obama's wedding ring.
- A day after Mr. Obama denied comparing himself to Abraham Lincoln, a draft of his inaugural address leaked, beginning with the words, "Eleven score and 13 years ago..."
- It's also reported that Michelle asked Barack to lose the stovepipe hat.